This is my homie Suleika. And I don’t mean homie like “Wow I’d like to meet her in real life one day”, I mean homie as in friend. A super cool person and by far my favorite dimepiece of them all. Check her out at her myspace page.
Archive for July, 2008
JESIKAH MAXIMUS
July 30, 2008DJ Jam X has met her before. He says she’s really cool and down to earth. I like to believe him.
EPISODE 42: FUCK OFF RAPPER-GUYS
July 30, 200815 Jul 2008
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EPISODE 42: FUCK OFF RAPPER-GUYS I thought I was done writing these blogs for the week but I got this in my myspace inbox this morning and I HAVE TO respond (I copied and pasted the message so it’s here VERBATIM)…. YOUS A BITCH NIGGA U AINT N DA STREETZ QUIT FRONTIN RITIN BLOGS LYK U HARD N SHIT 4 REAL I B GETTN DOE DA REAL WAY COME C ME NETIME FAGOT….. It goes on like that for about another 2-3 sentences but I’m gonna cut it short there cuz I felt like I was getting dumber by the second just reading that shit. I get hate mail from myspace gangsters here and there which doesn’t usually bother me BUT for some reason this morning this particular dude really set me off. First off…. 28 grams in an ounce Read that again you lil homo (he made a reference to pushing “weight” later on in the message but his math was waaayyyy off). Unlike you I actually have been in the street. Is it because I’m intelligent that you automatically assume I’m not “down” or something? Or is it because I’m a man and I’ve grown out of that bullshit? I’m ABSOLUTELY sure that you have lil to know experience in the ACTUAL streets and not the myspace “street”. I’ve been having this conversation a lot lately between a few different people and I’d like to share something with you. FEAR is nothing. When people FEAR you they learn to HATE you. When people FEAR you they wait for you to make a mistake and then they overthrow you. Look at Sadam Hussein, Idi Amin, George W. Bush, etc. That’s where FEAR leads to. Let me put this in words you can understand. You may (but probably may not) be in the street. I don’t fuckin know you but for the sake of writing this, I’m gonna assume that you’re a mid-low level drug dealer (just like I was growing up). When you go places people take notice cuz they FEAR you. When you wild out, nobody wants a part of it. Sure, it feels great for the time being but the path you’re on is leading you straight to prison or an early grave and no amount of money or street credibility is worth that DESPITE what rap music tells you. When you go to prison people forget that you even exist and when you’re dead it’s lights out. If you’re really a street dude then you can’t count on both hands how many times somebody you know (or you yourself) has gone into prison just to have NO kites (letters or phone calls) from your “homeboys” and only to find out that your “friend” has been fuckin YOUR girl while you were in (I’ve never had this experience cuz I have never been to prison). Now, I on the other hand, am RESPECTED. I’ve made MANY mistakes in my life but it’s because I have always been fair and honourable to my word that people RESPECT AND LOVE ME. I’ve done some terrible shit in my life but I have been forgiven because I acknowledge the mistakes that I’ve made and NEVER have I used my personal or financial situations as an excuse for my actions. And it’s for those reasons that I can return to the neighborhoods I roamed as a young man without EVER having to look over my shoulder. I haven’t touched a dime bag or anything related to drugs in over 2 years and that is something I’m PROUD OF. I’m one of the few that actually did it and lived to tell the stories of those who didn’t make it out. Who knows? In a few years I might be telling YOUR story if you don’t smarten up. I write blogs because I love to write and share the knowledge and wisdom I’ve acquired in my 25 years with the rest of the world. I’m a grown man (and not a grown ASS man) and I love life and artistic expression. I have a sense of humor because GOD has granted me the ability to smile every now and then. If the way I am is not “hip hop” or “street” enough for you then FUCK YOU AND THE “STREET” YOU CAME FROM. RESPECT is the key word here. FEAR=HATE, RESPECT=LOVE. Get it straight. I’m from the home of the original dope boys. The home of heroin, hoes and the best weed in the world. VANCITY, BITCH. Don’t believe me? Come see us anytime…. Oh, and learn how to spell or get spell/grammar check on your computer. I felt like I was reading a drunk text message from a 4 year old. PEACE….. |
EPISODE 41: I STILL CAN’T FEEL MY HANDS
July 30, 200814 Jul 2008
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EPISODE 41: I STILL CAN’T FEEL MY HANDS I’m still in the writing mood and I have some time to spare so I’m back to touch on a few more things. Ladies and gents, strap on your helmets and let’s go in…… AZ…. NOT IN THE TOP 5 GREATEST EMCEES OF ALL TIME…. CONSPIRACY? I don’t think so. But I started to think about this a few years ago when I put out a song called “Got It Good” and DJ’s were mistaking me for AZ everywhere. A few sites even posted it as a new AZ song. I get AZ comparisons occasionally but even I thought I sounded a lil too much like him on this particular record cuz I had raised my voice a few octaves when I recorded it. Anyway, it made me go back through my AZ catalogue and I started to wonder why he isn’t considered to be one of the greatest to ever do it. Sure, “Pieces Of A Man” and “9 Lives” wasn’t what we wanted from him but as The Clipse put it so eloquently, “FUCK ZOMBA”. He came back with “Aziatic” and “Doe Or Die” should be regarded as a classic in the same league as “Reasonable Doubt” and “Illmatic”. He has lyrics, delivery, flow, concepts and his beat selection is generally on point. So why hasn’t he obtained the same success as Jay-Z and his Firm brother, Nas? Was it his affliliation with Nas? When I first heard about The Firm I could barely sleep, counting down the days until I could pop that tape into my deck and groove the fuck out. Nas, AZ, Foxxy Brown and Cormega with production from the one and only Dr. Dre. WHHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAA. That’s boner material right there. It sounded like the illest thing that would come out of hip hop in years. Then Cormega got replaced by Nature, and no disrespect to Nature cuz dude is NICE with it, but Cormega was a perfect fit for the group. He brought that grimey henchman shit to balance out Nas, AZ and Foxxy’s flashiness. I just never thought Nature had that like Cormega did. So the album came out aaaannndddd….. It sucked. I’ve only had my heart broken a handful of times in life and the day I listened to that album was one of those moments. Regardless of the complete failure that was The Firm, I was sure everybody involved in that album would bounce back, and they did. Dr. Dre went on to sign Eminem and 50 Cent, Nas came back with I Am, Foxxy did her thing (to be honest I didn’t really follow her after that) and Nature was now a household name. But AZ seemed to vanish from the public eye. Maybe it was personal, maybe it was label woes but his next 2 albums received little to no promotion and people just seemed to forget about him. Following his career was almost impossible at that point. And let me get one thing clear, AZ is probably the only emcee on this planet (other than Jay-Z) that can get on a song with Nas and spank him. Much like what Royce Da 5′9 is to Eminem, AZ is to Nas. So why hasn’t he gotten the respect he deserves? “Aziatic” was solid, “Final Call” never was officially released but it was one of my favorite albums of 2004, “A.W.O.L.”, “The Format” and “Undeniable” are all supremely dope albums. Why is the hip hop world sleeping on one of the best that ever did it? I know it sounds like I’m an AZ stan but if you’re a real fan of hip hop music, try to wrap your head around it. He’s not just some dude who came and went, he’s one of THE BEST. When I think about it I can’t understand it. Is it bad business moves? Did Nas steal his shine? I doubt that either of those scenarios happened, but it’s time Sosa got his respect so go cop that N4L mixtape when it drops on August 1st! SUPPORT REAL HIP HOP MUSIC! WEB ON THE RED CARPET. YES, THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED…. WITH SEXY RESULTS! A week and a bit ago I got invited to a celebrity charity event in Hollywood. My initial reaction was, “I’m not a celebrity” but I said fuck it and went anyway. I’ve been to red carpet events before but when they do it in Hollywood it’s on some other shit. Upon my arrival I got this “OH SHIT” feeling in my stomach. “What if nobody wants to talk to me cuz they don’t know who I am? What if I walk onto the red carpet and everything just stops?”. I was imagining the reporter from E! Channel saying, “Oh and who do we have next? Ummmm it seems the janitor, Juan has gotten lost and mistakenly walked onto the red carpet. Tom, turn off the camera! Shit, somebody get him off the carpet!”. So as I walked on, security grabbed me and I was expecting him to ask me who I was and why I was there, but he said, “Sorry bro, you can’t wear a white tee on the red carpet cuz the backdrop is white and the cameras won’t pick you up properly” and my manager’s assistant reacted with a quickness and threw his blazer on me. Once you start making your way down the the press line it’s almost what I’d imagine dying to be like. So many lights flashing at the same time you can’t see anything ahead of you. Reporters grab you to try to get interviews, rub shoulders with the real “celebrities” and try not to walk into anything. As usual I presented myself as I always do, regular ol’ Web. When I was asked who I was wearing I said, “My manager’s assistant’s blazer, A VanCity fitted and white tee courtesy of King T-Shirts”. The reporters from MTV and TV Guide were cool and told me, “You’re fuckin awesome”. I worked the press line until I was the only one left and they were packing up to leave. Then I headed upstairs and promptly got my “celebrity” on. Double fisted strolling around with my manager who everybody thinks is my security. Looks from the dime pieces and whispers of “Who the fuck is he?” from the actual “celebrities”. I held up the wall like I always do and collected a few phone numbers, networked and made a timely exit back to the real world. I’m kinda getting used to this whole “celebrity” thing. Watch out folks, I might just get a little dog and sip a capuccino! HAHAHAHAAAA. YEEAAAAAHHH RIGHT. JESSE JACKSON, FOX FRIEND TURNED FOE! Dear Jesse, You should’ve known better. You’ve done so much for your people. You know the games that these right wing racists play. So you pretty much hung yourself by EVER talking to FOX. All the best in the future. Sincerely, WEB I’LL BE ALRIGHT, BOOK ONE…. MORE SEXY RESULTS! I listened to the album again last night and I decided that I like my album again. But regardless it’s still gonna drop on August 1st no matter what. I’m gonna post the links on my page for you guys to go and purchase it and if you want it for free, you’re gonna have to wait it out a week at a time til the end of October. I’m letting it go with a minimal mix and master job on it which at first I wasn’t too excited about, but upon listening to it again, it has that feeling of being raw, uncut material. Kinda like “Only Built For Cuban Linx” was. So fuck it, it’s coming no matter what. I’m gonna let go of my “big single” that I was holding onto until I could get a better mix and a budget in the next few weeks. It’s called “Dance With You” and it features my brother Benjamin Arce. It’s time to get busy! Also, another date has been added to my stop in San Francisco. I will be performing live at Fat City Nightclub on Tuesday, July 22nd and Element Lounge on Wednesday, July 23rd. The shows are both $15 at the door, so if you’re in the bay area, come through and help me pay the bills! Come to both shows and get a high five! I am also happy to anounce that my DJ, Jam X, will be there with me as well. If you come to both shows you can get a high five from Jam X too! DOUBLE FUN! Album Of The Day: AZ, Final Call |
EPISODE 40: I CAN’T FEEL MY HANDS
July 30, 2008EPISODE 40: I CAN’T FEEL MY HANDS
Wow. 40 blogs deep. And to think, 3 years ago I barely knew how to turn a computer on. Now I’m all up on my gigabytes, megabytes, rapperbytes, etc. Please forgive my loose-ness tonight, I’m about 5 beers deep and I just got outta the hot tub where I smoked a cuban cigar given to me by the big homie Mike and did my best scarface re-enactment. I can never do the accent for some reason though. I always end up sounding like an East Indian/Jamaican drunk street vendor. I offend people often.
The move to LA has been a good one. As mentioned in my last blog, I’m back to my regular dark skinded self and I feel at home (finally). I’m going back to Vancouver in 2 weeks to pick up my performer’s Visa but at this point I am un-phazable. I have no idea how to spell that last word so I spelt it how it sounds. Anyway, I am looking forward to going home and seeing mom dukes. There’s something about your moms thats irreplacable. I’m at that age where she’s like a super cool friend that you can talk to about anything but they’re so right all the time that it drives you bananas. You can pretend all you want that she’s from a different generation and she just doesn’t get it, but it never fails, she can always predict the outcome of everything you do. The most common phrase I hear outta my mom’s mouth is, “I tried to tell you, but when you’re passionate about something you never listen to anybody” which makes me go batshit inside cuz I know it’s true. When my heart is set on something, I go for it full tilt. “Fuck a Plan B, I don’t even have a Plan A” type shit. And before you know it, I’m calling home scared outta my mind that I just fucked up my life forever just to hear moms say, “You’ll be ok. Just say a couple prayers and it’ll work itself out” and for some reason since SHE said it, it always does. It’s funny, when I was young I used to look at my moms like she was the biggest hater alive, “I don’t like her, she’s not right for you. She wears too much make-up. Her tits are bigger than my head (no joke, she actually said that once)”. But she called it everytime. If she could call sporting events like she does women, my moms would be GOLDEN in Vegas. She’s the Sam Rothstein of women. I think maybe the reason I’m writing this is cuz of a girl I recently met (what up Angie!). I told moms about her a few times and her response was, “I like the way this one sounds. Hold onto her but don’t push too hard. You know how you are. Go easy with it”. Surprised doesn’t even describe my reaction. Moms the hater is now moms the “filter out the bitches” friend. Ben, you have been replaced. Man, I’m starting to be in desperate need of a BIG moms hug right now so I’m gonna move on.
So I’ve decided that I’m gonna let “I’ll Be Alright, Book One” loose on August 1st to all the blogsites. One song a week for 12 weeks (2 songs the first week). Honestly, it kills me to have to do this. All of you who’ve been reading my blogs for the past year know how much I’ve put into this album. I don’t know if I mentioned this in my last blog but the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I spoke to a certain major label A&R who said to me, “Rap fans don’t listen to lyrics anymore. It’s all about the beat and the hook”. So apparently the average hip hop fan is between the ages of 4 and 8. That’s what we’ve come to. The world thinks that we are so stupid that we can’t grasp a song that actually says something. All we just need a drum beat and something we can sing along to. Everything else is just filler. WHAT…. THE…. FUCK??? That’s rediculous. I’m gonna sacrifice a body of work that I love deeply just to prove these dumb fucks wrong. It’ll be available on itunes, amiestreet and cdbaby if you feel like supporting my struggle. If not, just wait 12 weeks and get the whole thing for free.
I have a ton of other shit to talk about but I’m gonna keep this short since I’m now 7 beers deep and I wanna get back to writing for “Web and Metty’s Super Mega Fun Dance Party”. Here’s some shit I’m gonna touch on in the next week or so…..
AZ…. not in the top 5 greatest rappers of all time. CONSPIRACY?
Web on the red carpet. Yes, that actually happened…. with sexy results!
Jesse Jackson, FOX friend turned foe!
I’ll Be Alright, Book One!?!? MORE SEXY RESULTS!
Fuck an album of the night. This is the song of the summer. AZ feat. Charlie Rock and Raekwon “The Secret” (click the song title to download). This is a bonafide, kick your homie in the face, fuck the world with a fist in it’s ass, BANGER!
This blog is also dedicated to my brother and fellow Central Soul member, Mic Phenom. In September it’s over for these rap muthafuckas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EPISODE 39: REVENGE OF THE SIXES
July 30, 200809 Jul 2008
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EPISODE 39: REVENGE OF THE SIXES *high-fives the internet* Yes folks, I am back online. Well, I’ve been online for the past 5 days or so but catching up on missed emails and messages has been a serious bitch. All the, “dude where are you?” messages have been overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking about when I tell them shit since I’ve only been telling people about my move to LA for the past 3 months. So now here I am in southern California grinding it out trying to make something outta nothing just like the millions of other people in this great city. But before we talk about that, let’s rewind to 2 weeks ago. As I approached the border to catch my flight outta Seattle, I knew I was gonna have problems. The border guards NEVER believe that I am who my passport says I am (it never fails, to them I am an illegal mexican immigrant in search of the “american dream” aka $8.50 an hour) and they always pull me inside. So when Officer Dickhead asked me to pull over to the side I wasn’t surprised. As him and the other flunky policemen searched through my droors and ripped apart my suitcases it became more and more evident that they weren’t gonna let me through. And when he discovered my rhymebook (the first time I’ve had one in years) and figured out that I am The Notorious W.E.B., he promptly looked me up on fuckin MYSPACE (believe it or not) and said, “Sorry but we can’t let you through due to your past criminal history.” HUH!?!? PAST CRIMINAL HISTORY!?!? You got that all from my MYSPACE PAGE!?!?! Fuck you, you racist, shit eating, couldn’t be a cop and therefore must have the IQ of a fly, cheeseburger inhaling, walking heart attack, FUCK! They sent me back to Vancouver. I missed the flight from Seattle and was all but fucked. But if you know good ol’ Web, then you know that a few “legalities” ain’t gonna stop me from doing anything. So I raced home and booked the first flight to LA outta Vancouver that I could get on. Upon my arrival to the airport I was immediately sent to immigration (of course). As I walked towards the immigration office I said a silent prayer in my head that went something like this, “Please GOD give me an Indian. A black guy, latin, fuck I can even deal with an Italian right now. JUST GIVE ME SOMEBODY WHO WILL FEEL MY PAIN!” and as I walked through doors I looked up aaaaaannnnndddddddd I got a black dude. Thank you Jesus, thank you. So we made small talk as he questioned me about some of my past criminal charges. I gave my best “just being a stupid kid” speech and spoke as intelligently as possible, even throwing in a few words that I have no idea of their meanings. He stayed deadpan the whole time. He didn’t laugh at my jokes, he didn’t get personal one bit, he was pure business. That’s when I took the gamble and said, “You know how it is, bro”. Now, being that I’m not black, once those words left my mouth shit can either go really good or really bad. If taken the wrong way I get the, “What the fuck do you mean I know how it is? You think cuz I’m black I’m automatically down or some shit? Fuck you!” and at which point I get punched in the mouth and escorted out of the airport. But to my benefit he said, “No doubt fam” and even gave me a pound as he passed me through customs. That was the first time that I ever felt like it was good to be from an oppressed race. So now here I am sitting in the San Fernando Valley next to the pool typing my latest bunch of random opinions for you fellow myspace inhabitants. The weather has been blisteringly hot and I’m back to my dark skinded self. No more pale-ass living in the cold Web, now I’m the “actually looks like an Indian” Web. I might even start to pretend I’m Benjamin Bratt or some shit. Fuck it! Now on to the bad news. I’m gonna have to go back to Vancouver for a few weeks in August. Due to scheduling conflicts, my management wasn’t able to apply for my performer’s Visa soon enough and my 6 weeks that I’m allowed to be in the country will be up before I can obtain it. So I’ll be back from which I came for 2-3 weeks. No doubt I’ll be completely miserable BUT there is a silver lining. My producer homie, Metty The Dert Merchant, has been approved a budget for a project that we had been talking about for some time. So right now I’m writing feverishly to get that done before I get back and we’re gonna bang it out in roughly 10 days or so and then I’m flying back into LA with my Visa (GOD willing). The project has been dubbed, “Web and Metty’s Super Mega Fun Dance Party” and should be available sometime this winter. I’m also sad to report that “I’ll Be Alright, Book One” is just sitting here on my hard drive collecting dust. I’ve already written Book 2 (thanks to a ton of new beats from my in-house producers, Roswell and Shane Eli) and I’m kinda getting sick of this album. I wanna get it out ASAP. The problem? I have no way to get it out. No promo budget, no mixing budget, nothing and it desperately needs a more professional mix and master job. I have a showcase in San Francisco for a bunch of A&R’s on July 23rd and if nothing comes outta that, I think I’m just gonna let it go on August 1st. Get it up on itunes, amiestreet, reverbnation and of course myspace and just see what happens. I’ve also been thinking of letting it go one song a week to all the blogsites to post for free download. 13 songs in 12 weeks (the first week would be the intro and the 2nd song). I have so much material right now and I gotta figure out a way to get into a good spot. We’ll see what happens. Feel free to comment or message me with your opinions since I don’t know what to do and could use some outside perspectives. Which brings me to my next bit of info…. I WILL BE PERFORMING LIVE AT THE ELEMENT LOUNGE IN SAN FRANCISCO ON JULY 23RD. TICKETS ARE $15 AT THE DOOR. HELP WEB PAY HIS RENT AND MAYBE I’LL TAKE MY SHIRT OFF!!!!! BE THERE!!!!! Ok, that part about my shirt coming off wasn’t true, but nobody wants to see that anyway. Also, my DJ homie in LA, Jam X (Violator All-Star DJ’s, dude I did Written In Blood with) more than likely won’t be able to make it to the show so I DESPERATELY need a DJ. If you’re a DJ and live in the LA or San Francisco area, and you’re interested in DJing for me and making some extra money, PLEASE HIT ME UP! I can’t be the emcee AND the DJ at my own headlining showcase. Fuck, I can’t be my own DJ EVER. You must have Serato and be an actual DJ. No pretend DJ’s please. *high-fives the internet again* until next week…. Album Of The Night: Nas, Untitled *DISCLAIMER* I know “Untitled” hasn’t technically been released yet but you can bet that I’ll be the first in line to buy it on July 15th. |
EPISODE 38: BOOM…. OUTTA HERE
July 30, 200822 Jun 2008
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EPISODE 38: BOOM…. OUTTA HERE Shouts to Jim Rome! My last week in Vancouver. YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH. As uneventful as it was it felt great. Walking around the city silently saying “peace” to everything in my head. “Peace, Plush Nightclub. Peace, Falafel King. Peace, stupid pretentious westenders and hipsters”. I wish I could say I’m gonna miss all of those things, but to be honest, I’m only gonna kinda miss Falafel King for their 2am shwarma plates. I won’t miss the morning after the infamous shwarma plates though. I try really hard to be positive about the city of Vancouver but I find myself falling short of good things to say a lot of the time. It’s where I’m from but it definitely isn’t the place I call home. It’s always weird for me being out here. I know this city for what it really is and it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. True, Vancouver is home to the best weed in the world, legal prostitution and VERY liberal drug laws, but it just lacks the soul that other cities have. Maybe it’s cuz everybody’s on drugs but it doesn’t have that “anything is possible” feeling in the air. There’s an extreme lack of genuine inspiration out here and you can tell by the “art” that comes out of this city (myself EXCLUDED). It’s like everybody’s trying to prove to the world that we have our own culture and way of doing things, but everytime it just comes off as being contrived and artificial. As an emcee who started as a graffiti artist it’s an unbelievably frustrating thing to witness. Art isn’t dressing or talking a certain way. Art is PERCEPTION. It’s the little things in life that you as an individual find to be extraordinary. You can’t purchase art, you can’t fake your way in and that’s something “VanCity” has never understood. I represent Vancouver in everything that I do, but I just wanna make one thing clear. I represent that small group of people that can see beyond the horizon and know that the world is gonna feel us before we die. The people that know what it’s gonna take to be extraordinary and refuse to settle for the tiny little piece of happiness that Vancouver has to offer them. That’s VanCity to me. Say it with me now When the pressure gets heavy and I need to escape In 24 hours I will be stepping off the plane and into the great city of Los Angeles. All my LA folks, get at me! Album Of The Day: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium |
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
July 30, 2008What I’m going to do for all you good folks right now is bless you with some words from my hero, a great man by the name of Russell Means. As an American Indian male, I spent a large part of my life not knowing exactly who I was or what it means to be a part of this beautiful race of people. I was introduced to the wisdom of Russell Means in my late teenage years and this man has single-handedly reshaped the way I view myself, my race and human beings in general. He led the American Indian Movement (the Indian equivalent of Huey Newton and The Black Panthers) and devoted his entire life to the betterment of his people. No matter who you are or what race you’re from you can take something positive from what he has to say. All I ask is you view the video below and see for yourself. Be cool, be strong.
If this video clip has sparked your interest, make sure you check out his book titled, “Where White Men Fear To Tread”.
EPISODE 36: FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOU’RE COOL, FUCK YOU, I’M OUT
July 30, 200829 Apr 2008
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EPISODE 36: FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOU’RE COOL, FUCK YOU, I’M OUT Brace yourself folks, this is gonna be a long one…. I skipped on writing a new blog on Sunday because to be honest, everything has sucked lately. I didn’t feel like sitting down and spewing negativity out into the blog-osphere so I left it alone until I felt better. One hot beat and a verbal kick in the ass from my homie/motivational speaker Shane Eli, and now here I am, back in blog mode. Although I’m in a lighter mood and more than willing to make fun of random stupidity, there’s still a lot of shitty stuff I feel I have to talk about before I can go any further. So in tribute to the homie Rey’s list of awesomeness, I am going to flip it and give you…. THE SEAN BELL VERDICT- An unarmed, black male gets shot 50 times by police officers and dies after his bachelor party the night before his wedding. A black male murdered by police. Sound familiar? Now, the 3 police officers who riddled this young man with bullets are acquitted of all charges. Why? Because the law doesn’t pertain to police officers who murder young black males (american indian and latin males as well). What made this whole situation interesting to me was that 2 of the 3 officers who murdered Sean Bell are black. If all 3 of them were middle-class white, I would’ve expected this outcome. I thought the powers that be would be on some “2 birds with 1 stone” shit and sentence those fuckers to life in prison with the 1 white officer being the “sacrificial lamb” (sorry broski but we gotta put as many of these guys in prison as possible. See ya on the flipside!). To my surprise, being an officer of the “law” outweighs racism and prejudice. As long as they have their thumb on you, you’re not quite equal but they’ll still get you outta some shit you would’ve fried for if you weren’t playing for their team. What makes me even more angry is all the idiots coming outta the wood work to protest the verdict. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud any and everybody who stands up for what’s right and if I was in New York City right now, I’d be rallying people to fight back everywhere I went. And by idiots I don’t mean the general public because their voices were silenced a long time ago. What I’m talking about are the people who have the platform to speak on such issues and reach a large audience. To them I would like to pose this question, WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN THIS YOUNG MAN WAS MURDERED? I remember hearing the news of Sean Bell’s slaying. Nobody made Sean Bell tribute songs, nobody (except a few artists like Mos Def and Immortal Technique) had anything to say about it. Nobody with any influence stood up at all. Everybody went back to their every day routines like it was just another tragic event in a world where this sort of thing is acceptable. I can understand that maybe we’ve come to expect and possibly even cope with shit like this. I mean, Sean Bell isn’t the first black man who’s life has been taken by the hands of those who are paid to protect his human rights and he certainly won’t be the last. But please, do not make him a martyr or a spring board to put yourself into the media spotlight. Injustices just like this one happen every second of every day around the world. If anything, the injustice that was served a few days ago should be a warning shot to us all. For us to know that if we had’ve cared, collectively at the very second he was murdered, we could’ve come together and applied enough pressure on the media, police and government and saw to it that these police officers received the punishment they so rightly deserved. We could’ve swayed the influence and sent the message that we as people, regardless of race or religion, refuse to be ignored. We refuse to be viewed in the eyes of the “law” as disposable and we will fight until we are treated equally or we will flip the whole system on it’s head. It sounds like some crazy ultra-revolutionary rhetoric, but consider this. If an artist sells 3 million albums, that means he/she has an audience of at least 3 million people that will listen to him/her. Of those 3 million people he/she may only motivate 500,000-1 million people to look further into that situation and of those 500,000 people maybe only 100,000 get involved. That’s 100,000 people applying pressure on the government and lawmen to do the right thing. Now multiply that by 10 more artists that sold 3 million albums. We could easily prevent another Sean Bell verdict. Take a look at what happened to my people (the Indian people of North America) and you can see where this whole thing is headed. It’s not a question of, “Will you be next?” it’s more of a question of, “When is it your turn?”. REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT- Dear Mr. Wright. I like what you have to say. I agree with most of the points you’ve made, especially your points of the United States’ foreign policies and 9/11. I think that most of the American people, deep, deep down, agree with you too. You’re a highly intelligent man and an excellent roll model for not only black youth but youth in general. It really sucks that at this time every 4 years all of a sudden the American people become all political and stuff. Out of the blue everybody realizes they fucked up severely with the last guy they elected and now they’re all “hot dogs and hamburgers” with it. But that’s life and I would like to ask you to please, please, please shut up. For all things that are positive please leave this one alone. Barack Obama is the first presidential candidate since JFK that is actually truly for the people and you’re single handedly destroying his campaign. For once, we have a candidate who cares about US. Black, white, poor and poorer, we finally have somebody who could be the fuckin PRESIDENT who’s willing to get down for US. You’ve over done it to the point where you’ve forced him to denounce you publicly and bascially paint a picture of you as some crazy old conspiracy theorist. You’ve given the good folks at FOX News and CNN enough ammunition to bury pretty much the only chance that the minorities and middle to lower class people of America have had at having an actual voice EVER. Barack Obama is the first candidate in my life time who’s mentioned American Indian people in his speeches and as you can imagine we have quite the bone to pick. If Obama loses, we are going to blame you. I hope you understand. You really need to go on a vacation and when Obama becomes President, come on back and give the people what they need. Until then, I heard Fiji is nice this time of year. Yours Truly, WEB “LIL WAYNE IS THE GREATEST RAPPER ALIVE”- Ok, peep the line-up. RUN (DMC), LL Cool J, Rakim, Slick Rick, Big Daddy Kane, Kool G Rap, Ice Cube, MC Ren, Nas, Notorious B.I.G., Snoop (Doggy) Dogg, Tupac, Jay-Z, Bun B (RIP Pimp C), Big L, Big Pun, Eminem, Outkast, Ghostface Killah, Black Thought, Mos Def, Kanye West, Talib Kweli and then…… Lil Wayne? Did anybody just sing, “One of these things is not like the other” in their heads? Really? Do people really think that Lil Wayne is the greatest rapper alive? I’m one of those people who believes that every artist is entitled to their own form of expression but to put the “greatest” label on an artist takes a lot of talent. I give him credit for not being afraid to do whatever the fuck he feels like both musically and personally, but the greatest? That’s a BJ Penn sized stretch right there. I mean, I could understand if you live in a box and all you had was a CD player and Tha Carter 2. Maybe if you’ve never heard of The Clipse (Re-Up Gang), Joe Budden, Royce Da 5′9 or dare I say Web (I heard that Web guy’s a pretty righteous fellow. Is it possible to dick ride yourself?) then I could slightly with-hold myself from throwing you over a balcony. But then you’d probably be wearing some fruity ass sweater and lime green sneakers and I’d do it outta feeling sorry for your pathetic existence. Fuckin hipsters. Oh yeah, see below. Through the turmoil known as “homo-rock” (yes, VERY homo), I still had my number one love. My main chick that’s been down since day one. My magical stallion (36-24-38) known as hip hop. I never used to love her, I always did. Even during the dark ages (also known as “the new south”) I still had Kanye, Common, The Roots, Jay-Z and Nas. But then you little emo fuckers started to bleed into my culture. Fruity sweaters, even fruitier sneakers and tight jeans started to pop up all over the place. The 80’s became cool again and I was ok with that cuz I’m an 80’s baby. I liked seeing throwbacks to Transformers, He-Man and Thundercats. Fuck, even the odd Captain Planet reference was kinda cool. You know why? Because it reminded me of how much fun I had as a kid. It took me back to a time when life was nothing but comic books and summer breaks. Then everybody started to dress like they were Flavor Flav in his crack days. Neon track suits, huge knock-off glasses and rope chains were the shit again. Even then I sat back and said, “Ok. I can deal with this. It’s just like the whole throwback jersey thing. Just stick to your fatigues, hoodies and tims and wait it out”. Then they started to make music that reflected their choice of personal style. Who would’ve thought that a neon track suit and hypercolor t-shirt sounds like a 3rd trimester abortion. YOU FUCKIN SUCK YOU STUPID FUCKIN HIP HOP RUINING PIECE OF CRACKHEAD SHIT WRAPPED IN ROTTING CABBAGE DIPPED IN SULFURIC ACID FUCKIN HIPSTER FUCKS! You’d think I’d feel better right now but I don’t. Quit blaming the south too, you fucks. At least they don’t look like Eddie Murphy in Raw. Being a throwback to the “golden age” is not a valid excuse for not having the intelligence or the flow to keep up with real emcees, it just means that you suck. Please evacuate hip hop before I give Rakim a call and tell him what you’ve been up to. Oh, and Kanye West gets a pass cuz he’s actually good. PEOPLE WHO HATE ON THE TRILOGY PREQUELS- I’m saving this one for Rey since I’m too tired to go any further. Album Of The Night- Beanie Sigel, The Solution In the words of the great Styles P, “Throw your fuckin hoodies on”. |
EPISODE 35: COOLEST OF THE MUSIC GUYS
July 30, 200820 Apr 2008
EPISODE 35: COOLEST OF THE MUSIC GUYS
*Brushes imaginary dirt off my shoulder*
Ok, I’m back in action. I haven’t written one of these in like a month and a half and yeah, I could say it’s because I’ve been crazy busy with the music stuff and preparing for my move (which is true). I could say that I’ve been travelling various 3rd world countries looking for babies for Angelina and Brad to adopt/kidnap. But the truth is, I just haven’t felt like bringing you guys into my world lately. I was suffering through a severe writer’s block, getting no more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night and just not generally feeling like being anywhere doing anything other than the music stuff. On that tip, everything’s been going beautifully. Networking and connecting with new people as usual. I’ve been easing up on the promotion aspect of things and focusing my energy on getting this pain in the ass album ready to go for summer. I can’t wait to finally get this fuckin thing out from under me. I sent 3 songs back into the studio with my producer Roswell to update the production so I don’t even know what the final version of the album is gonna sound like. Fuck. I can feel my blood pressure increasing as I write this so I’m just gonna stop here and move on to something else.
So to help me get out of the writer’s block I was going through for the past 3 months (YUP, 3 FUCKIN MONTHS!), I went back through my vast library of music and began looking for anything that could inspire me creatively. I came up with nothing of course, but I discovered the core of my coolness. I had this cathartic, egomaniacal moment where I looked at myself and said, “Holy shit, I’m pretty fuckin cool”. I like a lot of really cool music which, unbeknownst to me, has helped me over the past few years since being an emcee became un-cool back around 2001 (thanks myspace!). So today I’m gonna share this music with all of you in an effort to increase cool points across the globe.
If you’re like me then you’re a solid 6/10 and having cool music playing in the background when you’re anywhere definitely helps to increase those much needed cool points. Especially when you’re kickin it with that dime piece you’ve been working on for the past 3 weeks (by dime piece I mean a funny 6 or a super cool 8. Boring 10s need not apply). If you’re anything above a 6 then you probably wear tight shirts, man bags and hair gel and if that’s the case, please go fuck yourself. You’ve stolen all the girls that us 6s have bent over backwards trying to get with and then turned them into man haters and lesbians. You’re basically a neurotic bitch with a dick. Please stop reading this now. For all my 6s (and lower) out there, I’ve composed a list of songs to make you cooler. I originally posted links to these songs but I took them down cuz $10 for ultimate coolness shouldn’t bother you. Now go on itunes and buy these joints!
10 SONGS TO MAKE YOU COOLER
10) “THE GREAT GIG IN THE SKY”, PINK FLOYD- WARNING: If anybody in the room is stupid, they’ll complain that this song doesn’t have any lyrics and ruin the coolness of the song. Use this one with caution. If the people you’re with are up on their classic shit, they’ll get it immediately. This song is the illest interlude/non-song in history. Pink Floyd had this incredible way of setting up a mood and they kill it on this one. The chick in the background wailing still gives me chills up my spine after years of hearing this song at least once a week. This one isn’t party music but it works wonders in a relaxed environment. When I get a full band together I’m gonna open all my shows with this song.
Bonus points: Pink Floyd only paid the woman who sung in the background $70 for the session and she did it all in one take. Tell that story and then give the “fuckin mind-blowing” look.
9) “CAN’T YOU HEAR ME KNOCKING”, THE ROLLING STONES- Is there anybody cooler than The Rolling Stones? These guys should have died like 11 times but everytime GOD tried to take them out they were like, “Nah”. Then Mick Jagger did that crazy walk/dance thing he does and GOD was like, “Shit. He’s doing the crazy walk/dance thing again. I guess I’ll wait’em out”. I don’t care how many times Jay-Z does some cool shit (which happens a lot), he could NEVER touch Mick’s swagger. This joint is the song I imagine playing in the VIP room in heaven. When Osama Bin Ladin was talking about 72 virgins in heaven, he was right but he just didn’t mention that they’re all reserved for the fuckin Stones.
Bonus points: Play this song when rolling up to the club at full blast with all the windows down. Eventhough there’s 8 dudes packed into your ‘89 camry, all the dimes outside will be like, “OH SHHHEEEEIIITTTT”.
8) “AIN’T NO FUN”, SNOOP (DOGGY) DOGG- “When I met you last night bay baaaaayyyyyyyy”. I don’t know if there’s a more memorable opening line to a song than that. This song is for when you’re at a party full of boring 10s that keep giving you the, “what’s HE doing here” look. As soon as it comes on just start singing along with everything you have. There’s something about Snoop that makes everybody act/walk/talk/think 10 times cooler than normal and now that this song has come on, you can officially not give a fuck. Dance around with your drink singing off key until it fades out. The world is yours for the next 3 1/2 minutes.
Bonus points: When Kurupt’s verse starts remove his name and put yours in (If PETER gave a fuck about a bitch, I’d always be broke), yell that shit out and stare at the chick with the biggest, fakest tits in the house
7) “BLACK BETTY”, RAM JAM- First of all, if you name your band “Ram Jam” you better be seriously fuckin cool. Secondly, I can’t figure out if this song is kinda racist or not. Either way, it’s still bananas. Anybody that can put the words, “Bam-a-lam” into a song REPEATEDLY is a genius. I tried once and I ended up just saying “Bam-a-lam” for 4 minutes. This song works best at parties but can really be applied to any situation. And eventhough it’s as rock’n'roll as it gets, even the most stubborn hip hop heads will dig the beat.
Bonus points: Do the “airdrums” during the crazy ass breakdown for ultimate coolness.
6) “STONE FREE”, JIMI HENDRIX- Jimi was the king of cool music. This song’s bassline is so fuckin slick that you almost slip into a coolness coma and the lyrics can make even the biggest outcasts (see: goth kids) look like Zack fuckin Morris. Go fuck yourself mainstream America, Jimi wasn’t down with you and neither am I. If you wanna look and think exactly like everyone else, go hang at the mall. Jimi’s in the building now and what he says goes. *b-boy stance*
Bonus points: If you play this at a party, you have to look directly at the chick you’ve been diggin on all night and sing along with Jimi when he says, “Turn me loose baby!” then bug the fuck out during the guitar solo.
5) “BIG POPPA”, NOTORIOUS B.I.G.- Biggie was not only one of the greatest emcees of all time, he was also a civil servant. He did what nobody could do before him. He made being a little (in my case) or a lot overweight the shit. This song is the pinnacle of that and to this day has made everybody with clogged arteries hold their heads up high. Before Biggie we were sucking in our stomachs and having to settle for BORING 5s, after Biggie we were walkin around in wife beaters and bagging dimes like our dicks were the secret to all of life’s questions. If you’re stocky, husky, obese or just a little outta shape, this song is your savior. When it comes on put one hand in the air and the other over your heart. Thanks Biggie, we love and miss you. RIP.
Bonus points: If you know this song is gonna be playing at whatever party you’re going to, you cannot say Diddy all night. You will refer to Sean Combs as Puffy. PERIOD.
4) “BLOODY WELL RIGHT”, SUPERTRAMP- I don’t care what anybody says, these dudes were fuckin ILL. They should be as revered as The Beatles or The Rolling Stones. If you ever get a chance to listen to their, “Crime Of The Century” album, DO IT. This song is the exactly what my music would sound like if I could play instruments. The keys in the beginning are fuckin incredible and the horns at the end cap off the perfect journey through coolness. Even hipsters are cool if they like this song.
Bonus points: Play this at full blast and drive around the city on a sunny day. I swear, you’ll feel like a trillion bucks. You also have to do the “slow-mo super cool jammin out face” when listening to this song.
3) “BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY”, QUEEN- This song is the backdrop for a classic scene from one of the coolest movies ever made (if you don’t know what I’m talking about then you deperately need to be cooler). Freddie Mercury set a whole new standard for recording vocals after this song and put himself in the history books as one of the greatest front men to ever grab a mic and rock the fuck out. Yeah he was gay, eccentric and out of his fuckin mind 99% of the time but nobody can deny how much of a genius he was. Queen are responsible for 3 of the most recognizable songs ever made (Bohemian Rhapsody, Champions and We Will Rock You) and THAT my friends is super cool.
Bonus points: Get your homies together and recreate the Wayne’s World scene for extreme coolness.
2) “SPIRIT IN THE SKY”, NORMAN GREENBAUM- I swear, I’ve known this song by heart since I was 5 (my dad was in a band and so as you can tell, my knowledge of classic rock is pretty thorough. No hip hop) but I had no idea who wrote and performed this song until like 2 years ago. This was Norman Greenbaum’s only hit song and rightfully so since this song is one of the coolest songs ever made. Every band you can imagine has stolen this bassline at some point in their career. I’ve heard many arguements from music purists over whether this song is meant to be satirical or literal, and since I’m not a loser who sits around and jerks off to The White Album, I don’t fuckin care. Norman Greenbaum was (or is. Is he still alive?) cool as shit.
Bonus points: Air guitar is a must on this one, it doesn’t matter where you are, you HAVE TO whip it out.
1) “COMPUTER LOVE”, ZAPP- This song is without question the definition of cool. Roger Troutman (and Peter Frampton, respectively) brought the muthafuckin ruckus with the vocoder. This joint is perfect for making any occasion cooler. It’s party music, sex music, driving music, cleaning music, doing my laundry music, beating the shit outta my neighbor who calls the cops whenever my friends come over music, drinking music, it works for all of that. Roger Troutman was the GOD of cool. Any mention of T-Pain in the same sentence as Zapp will cause the entire universe to collapse. Roger could actually sing and he used the vocoder just to makes us all bug out. I don’t smoke weed on the regular, but when I do, “Computer Love” is like my own personal cadillac of intoxicated goodness. I’ve literally laid on my couch for 3 hours after smoking a blunt with this song on repeat. It’s the Jedi Knight of coolness.
Bonus points: Find the version with Michel’le on it for maximum coolness. If you can’t get it, just click the song title. There you go.
Album Of The Night: Supertramp, Crime Of The Century
Best Song: Asylum
