EPISODE 44: DEATH TO ALL HIPSTERS

EPISODE 44: DEATH TO ALL HIPSTERS

Yeah, yeah I know. It’s been over a month since I wrote one of these. I’ve had way too much going on to even think about sitting down and writing anything. But something’s been bothering me a lot lately. You know what it is….
*This one is gonna be really scattered and brutally honest. So if you don’t share my views I’m sorry. Actually, fuck that. If you don’t share my views then you’re probably a hipster. So in that case, suck dick and die…. please.*

HIPSTERS

So I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day who asked me, “What is it about hipsters that drives you so fuckin crazy?”. I had to sit back for a minute and think so I didn’t give some stupid dickhead remark like, “They’re all pieces of shit”. To be honest, I don’t even know where to start with this whole thing. You see, I’m stuck in Vancouver right now thanks to hurricanes Gustov and Ike (a round of applause please ladies and gentlemen!) and Vancouver has quickly become the home of the hipster. It’s impossible to escape it. Everywhere you look you feel like you’re in some sort of freeze frame from a De La Soul video. And, to be honest, I believe that people should be free to dress how they want. What bothers me is what they represent. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. There’s no passion for anything amongst them. Sure, they hang out in the trendy “art scene” but they have no idea or respect for what art truly is. They have no idea how it feels to love something so much that you sacrifice your whole life for it. They just kinda hang around talking about super obscure bands that nobody cares about. That’s what it’s all about. Being as fuckin retarded as possible. The more obscure the band and/or rapper, the better. Does that make any fuckin sense to you? What happened to just liking music cuz it was good? I guess if you do enough coke you can pretty much like anything. But why do you have to bleed into what I love most in the world? Why did you have to fuck up hip hop so bad that I don’t even wanna be a part of it anymore? I have spent almost a decade perfecting my art. I’ve spent countless hours in the studio pouring my heart and soul into my music and now YOU come along in your American Apparel hoodie, big 80’s glasses and retro nikes and shit all over it. I’ve sacrificed every aspect of personal security because I love this culture THAT much. What have you given up for it? What do you stand for? Parties and coke? That’s IT? You should be ashamed that your mother didn’t abort your ass when the condom broke. My homie Ben brought me to a party a while ago that was supposed to be “only the few cool people in the city” so I called up my other homie Grizz and said, “Don’t worry. It’s not gonna be one of those ultra pretentious artsy hipster parties. This is for the people who actually love the music”. Upon our arrival we took a look around and saw…. HIPSTERS. It was at that moment Ben leaned over and said, “Holy shit dude. I’m sorry. I swear, NONE of these people were at the last one. I don’t know how they all found out about it”. You see? To the real artists of the world hipsters are like the fuckin PLAGUE. You bleed into all the cool shit we put together and you fuck it up. Your presence alone does something damaging to our souls. Grizz, who’s love for hip hop culture and musical knowledge far surpasses any person I’ve ever met, was so disturbed by it that he left the party after less than an hour of being there. You make the people who actually take the time to learn about this culture despise it. And we don’t follow trends or dress the part, we ARE the part. We are the creators of the future of hip hop. Every moment we live and every breath we breathe will ultimately dictate what happens next in this great world of art, to a larger or lesser degree, depending on who you are. We, the artists, the ones who gave it all up just to kick a few raps or sing a couple songs, will guide this beautiful rebel music into the next century and beyond. And only a few of us will be publicly recognized for it. Do you know what that means? It means that we love it so much that we’re willing to live our whole lives helping this culture progress and chances are 99% of us will die without anybody knowing what we contributed to it. Would you be willing to do that? FUCK NO. Well, maybe if there was some coke to be inhaled and a ton of parties to go to you would. But there isn’t. All that lies ahead of us is the faint possibility that some day the world will embrace us and we can make a living off of our passion. Until then we stay locked away in the lab/basement/hole in the wall, pouring and bleeding everything we have into this culture. That’s why I fuckin despise you, hipsters. I am one of the fortunate ones who has managed to create a career (or is on the brink of) out of this. I look back at the thousands of artists I know who struggle daily just to pay the rent and buy groceries and they’re being overlooked because you showed up acting the part but have no interest in anything other than yourselves. I look back in time and try to find another era that would be comparible to this one. If I could go back and pick an era to live in, it would be the 60’s. It was a simpler more complicated time. People, hippies, militants and squares, stood for what they believed in and weren’t afraid to give their all to make the changes they wanted to see. The art that came out of that was some of the best this world has ever seen. People knew how it felt to rise up and fight for what they believed in. I myself would’ve been marching right alongside Russell Means and the American Indian Movement and Huey Newton and The Black Panthers. These were young people who were motivated to mold the world into what they believed it should be. Fast forward almost 50 years and that is what hip hop is for us now. Hip Hop is our American Indian Movement, our Black Panthers, our Sandinistas, our Punk Rock. Hip Hop is our way to change the world and look what you fuckers are doing with it. You made our revolution a drug addicted, unintelligent fashion statement. This era has done nothing to make it’s mark in human history. We have one opportunity to change that with Barack Obama and now hip hop is on the verge of destroying that dream (not so much the hipsters’ fault but more or less everybody’s fault for being ignorant). We embraced him because he represents the struggle in all it’s forms. He’s a symbol of what our mothers, fathers and grandparents fought for. He’s the reason why Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Huey Newton and countless others sacrificed their lives. But due to our complete ignornace we’re on the brink of destroying it. In one fell swoop hip hop could actually obliterate it’s chance of having the President of The United States on our side for the first time EVER. I’m not even really that mad at that though, because the ones who don’t understand what they’re doing are still passionate about what they believe. You on the other hand, hipsters, just kinda stand around in a daze looking for the next party. Oh and by the way, what the fuck is the deal with all hipsters becoming DJ’s? Is that like the next step in achieving ultimate piece of shit-ness? PLAYING SONGS ON ITUNES OR SPINNING OLD RECORDS BACK TO BACK DOES NOT MAKE YOU A DJ. I have never truly understood the motivation behind DJing but thanks to my man, DJ Krisp, I have somewhat of a grip on it. Watching him spend hours in the studio scratching and cutting records, constantly working on developing new sounds, it all sounds unreal to me but it’s what’s in his heart. It’s what he does when nobody’s around, when he has spare time. If nobody ever perceives him as being cool for it, then so be it. But you, DJ Hipster, you do it cuz it’s trendy. You stand behind your computer screen being paid to do, literally, a monkey’s job. As long as you have a stupid hair cut and ultra hard to find 80’s replica tee, you’re all good. As my DJ, Jam X put it, “It’s fucked up. I live to do this. I rock parties and I make people enjoy themselves. I work hard on creating impeccable mixes. Then these guys come around and just play songs. They have no skill or talent but people still call them a DJ”. Man, I couldn’t imagine somebody having no actual talent but still being called an emcee. Oh, right. That happens all the time and they write songs that reflect exactly what’s going on in their minds. Yup, songs about absolutely nothing. They have nothing to say except, “Hey! Look at my clothes! Don’t I look fuckin ridiculous? Where’s the next party?”. And yeah, you could make the arguement that mainstream hip hop doesn’t stand for shit either, but when Young Jeezy or 50 Cent talk about how much money they have and all the girls they fuck, they’re celebrating the end of their struggle. So it DOES stand for something. I might not listen to it, but I fuckin LOVE it. It’s great to see the underdogs walk around with their middle fingers in the air and big smiles on their faces. I’m actually getting ready for my own victory celebration pretty soon. What I’m trying to say is, it’s time we stood for something and ended this silly shit. Let’s do something significant and make our mark. Fuck the hipsters. As Arthur Spooner so eloquently put it, “I hope you die you fat pigs”.

Album Of The Day: Royce Da 5′9, The Revival
Best Verse: First Verse on Promised Land
Best Beat: I Gotta
Best Song: So Crazy